KEEPING ORDER IN CLIMATE DRIVEN CHAOS.... dream a little dream of me.
In a righteous, natural society, like a wolf pack. The strong will die to protect the weak. In our un-natural society, the weak die to protect the strong. This has caused un-natural cruelty to rule among the leaders of humans. This must be corrected by any means necessary, if humans are to re-enter nature enough to see we are part of an ecosystem, not a lone human, but a component of an organism, in which we are both cancer and surgeon.
I am not sure of my position, other than to steer as much power as possible to the people through Unions. This is the only collective bargaining left, besides the streets, and I am reluctant to even think of protesters after what I fear happened last time. I keep expecting to be this diminished relic on the side of the road, and then finding out again and again from my enemies that you know how much I despise being pointed out on tv, or even having to think about being watched. I am working on getting rid of hate, because I do not want to make decisions based purely on emotion, and I have impulses to violence always at the ready, which I would never use. That is how I live among people, not on paper, and the two must merge, as much as possible.
I know I cannot just stop the violence by saying I want nothing to do with this, so I am not at it's sole root. This is possibly true? I cannot imagine others have not been fighting against this coup as well, unless it is just a race to the bottom, who will have it best while they are alive and then in their holes in the ground?
I do not wish to even imagine such things, let alone accidently encourage people to live underground. A story I did not even work up I liked it so little became scripture, because I did not think of how my words echo'd… I took them as dust on the wind, forgotten, and even more so, repressed. I did not live a cover life, I believed that life. When I saw signs of other, they puzzled me but they did not fit into any big picture I knew. I was not running the airtight alibi or I never would have done all kinds of things. I would have never masterbated to piss off the spies and make the point that I did not want to be watched anymore.... twice..... if I thought.... I apologize for anyone who saw that, but my intentions were not able to understand you even existed, or what your lives were like, and because of this act, I learned. Thank GOD. I do not know how long you would have been kept underground if I had not lost protection. I thank God this happened even though I grieve what was lost.
I hate that I figured this out only when one person went live. I thought unless they say fuck naturally it is not a sign of intelligence, just bad manners.... as I realized from the picture of the green housecoat.... why did you put the dresser in front of the camera.... fuckers. DID I HAVE ROOM FOR ANYTHING IN THAT PLACE? I was being watched and could not stop it and as much as possible just ignored it.
I realize this was irresponsible. I realize I would have not done this to another human, too... it was cruel as hell.
You think I have nothing to bitch over because I DO NOT generally...
But that is the past and I am not going to relive it. As much as possible. Too horrible to contemplate and remain sane. Remain able to function. I do not forget those who died or lessen my mourning of them. I do not forget what is the most important learned, no matter how pissed it makes me.
I have to understand my critics have always told me more than my friends. I have to be grateful for that.
I see the color black is the one associated now. I remember a woman saying he does not want us to kill ourselves, who was wearing black. God, no. I never would have ever wanted to be the cause of a suicide. That my jokes were taken as such.... when I saw that. I could not believe it was associated with me but I knew. I should have said something. My horror over the events should have to you. But you thought I was acting, in some show. I hated this more than... I hate it now... feels like utter torture not to be alone. I hate to admit that, because it only adds to my enemies glee, whomever the hell they are at the moment.
Trump has certainly collected a type... and to think I helped build that monster. I was surprised to find I had written a story about setting of bombs in trumpville. did I create this too? I pray to God I did not. That by now people can tell the difference between insane interpretations, and what I mean.
I cannot change the past. God was at work. I am just a servant, nothing at all compared to him. I wish I had remembered that at all times.... but my bravado, my wanting you to fear me, was too great. I am not sure why you thought I meant before when I talked with peace about doing a show if you think I was doing that this tie, BECAUSE I WAS NOT. I will accept whatever hardships are required for me to function as best I can for the people. I am not sure if this is my family, or what... remnants of a movement that went completely awry for lack of leadership. I am not one who wants to lead people. I just do not like doing that. People need to lead themselves most of all... and always be able to walk away without retribution. NEVER GIVE YOURSELF OVER BLINDLY TO AN ARMY OR ANOTHER PERSON... THEY WILL TAKE YOU, SOME.
I do not want followers or acolytes or... I would like colleagues, but I guess my reputation has been damaged beyond that point. I am just some terrorist holding a dead man's switch. Only I am not terrible, and do not want to cause terror. You have nothing to be afraid of from me, and everything to gain by working with me, most of you... or I working with you. I am thinking of American horror where they had the character based on me, though trump liking, and demanding people call him some ridiculous title... I never in my life was either, or did either.... the fat shaming, sorry. I did not mean that to the degree it went, at all. I do not care to hurt people's feelings about such matters, because I have nothing to add they have not heard. My asking mary ann to lose weight was wrong, and I was projecting things on her that were not her fault.
I HAVE many flaws. I have much to learn and always will... I do not want to be anything's master. That would embarrass the hell out of me, and set you up for a fall. Only by understanding we are all fallen and to expect such behavior will this world work. For me.
Trump has certainly collected a type... and to think I helped build that monster. I was surprised to find I had written a story about setting of bombs in trumpville. did I create this too? I pray to God I did not. That by now people can tell the difference between insane interpretations, and what I mean.
I cannot change the past. God was at work. I am just a servant, nothing at all compared to him. I wish I had remembered that at all times.... but my bravado, my wanting you to fear me, was too great. I am not sure why you thought I meant before when I talked with peace about doing a show if you think I was doing that this tie, BECAUSE I WAS NOT. I will accept whatever hardships are required for me to function as best I can for the people. I am not sure if this is my family, or what... remnants of a movement that went completely awry for lack of leadership. I am not one who wants to lead people. I just do not like doing that. People need to lead themselves most of all... and always be able to walk away without retribution. NEVER GIVE YOURSELF OVER BLINDLY TO AN ARMY OR ANOTHER PERSON... THEY WILL TAKE YOU, SOME.
I do not want followers or acolytes or... I would like colleagues, but I guess my reputation has been damaged beyond that point. I am just some terrorist holding a dead man's switch. Only I am not terrible, and do not want to cause terror. You have nothing to be afraid of from me, and everything to gain by working with me, most of you... or I working with you. I am thinking of American horror where they had the character based on me, though trump liking, and demanding people call him some ridiculous title... I never in my life was either, or did either.... the fat shaming, sorry. I did not mean that to the degree it went, at all. I do not care to hurt people's feelings about such matters, because I have nothing to add they have not heard. My asking mary ann to lose weight was wrong, and I was projecting things on her that were not her fault.
I HAVE many flaws. I have much to learn and always will... I do not want to be anything's master. That would embarrass the hell out of me, and set you up for a fall. Only by understanding we are all fallen and to expect such behavior will this world work. For me.
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